I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
