Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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