I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
from now on my penis is your penis
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
