I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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