are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
