I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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