Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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