I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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