So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
