LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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