I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
