We're facebook friends in real life
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
