rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
