I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I have already put on my inside pants.
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