remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
