Having a random hookup so left but love u
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
