Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
