so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize
