I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
