I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
