Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just google imaged poop.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Actions speak louder than pants.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
