Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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