Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize