Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
