my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
