That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
