Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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