I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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