dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
