Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
