Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize