Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
