If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Randomize
