My first STD was from a foam party
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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