Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
