hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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