I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
