So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
