I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
