I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
