Having a random hookup so left but love u
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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