Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Congratulations! We have a period
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