Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
