I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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