a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
