dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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