I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize