i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
