Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Randomize
