marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
