I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
