im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
