I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize