It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
