she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
