I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
