so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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