i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
