i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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