I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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