well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
