Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
