so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
