i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
