I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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