Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
