Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
