but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
