Too much gin, very little bucket
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
