Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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