well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
