If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
