Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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