He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
