there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
