I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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