I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
