You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
