Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
