my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
