Whatcha textin bout Willis?
this boner is exhausting
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
