You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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