the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
try to milk me bitch
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
