Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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