So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How does it feel to date your dad?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
