Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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