Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
