he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
