tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
