I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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