In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
