was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
