i wish starbucks made bloody marys
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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