Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
