so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
