he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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