i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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